On my first official day of maternity leave, I made a list of ‘goals’. I was having one of those rare moments where things were going well in my day - L.J. was playing nicely with his cousins and G.G. was sleeping peacefully in my arms - and I thought to myself “I can do this! The next 12 weeks are going to be a blast!”. I laugh at myself now... As I mentioned in this previous post here, reality hit me pretty hard pretty quick.

But just for kicks, let’s review my maternity leave bucket list:

1. Get my driver’s license.

Yes, I started my maternity leave as a 31-year-old without the privilege to legally drive a car.
I know how to drive a car, but after living in Manhattan for six years, I primarily took public transportation and just let my license expire and never renewed it. That was in 2011.

After moving to Portland, it was at the top of my “to do” list to get it taken care of. Then I found out that not only would I actually need to take the written test again, but I would have to take the actual driving test all over. This just sounded exhausting. And it was much more fun having my very own personal chauffeurs (my husband, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister in law... basically anyone who was willing). So I mooched rides for the next year.

6 weeks into my maternity leave, I finally crossed this goal off my list! And it only took me two tries to pass the written test!! (The key to passing?? Study.)

Ah!! The freedom of the open road and reliving my glory days of being 16 years old again!!

2. Start A Blog

Nailed it.

3. Family Hike Day

One thing that I love about the Pacific Northwest is the gorgeous scenery that surrounds us. The rolling hills, the greenery, the mountains... every sunset needs a #nofilter. And I felt like it was my duty as mother of the year to get as much fresh air into my toddler’s and newborn’s lungs during these 12 weeks. So why not implement a specific day of the week where we tried a new hiking trail?? Take advantage of all the beauty around us.

Guess how many ‘hikes’ we’ve been on? 0. Notta one. Some days I’m lucky if we make it into the backyard for any extended period of time. The truth of the matter is, those first few weeks at home, I’ve never been so exhausted in my life. I was completely drained, physically and emotionally, that even getting off the couch some days seemed like a daunting task.

The closets thing we've done for a 'family hike day' is a (driving) tour of The Columbia River Gorge when Tom's mom and fiancé came to visit.

I would still like to get a designated family hike day established... but maybe we start with once-a-month and move on up from there.

"Crown Point" along the Columbia River Gorge

4. Get A Library Card

I love reading and Tom gets nauseous when walking into Barnes & Nobles. So building my children’s love for all things literary is completely on my shoulders. The Vancouver Library has this amazing children’s section with a great play area for kids and an good selection of children’s books.

It only took me two trips to the library to actually get my own card. The first time I tried to sign up for one I didn’t have any photo ID on me (re: #1 above).

And wouldn't you know it... Tom was the one that sat and read all the library books with Landon that we brought home last week!

5. Work Out Plan (gym?)

Yes, I actually had a question mark next to ‘gym’. With all the hiking I was going to be doing (re: #3 Family Hike Day), I didn’t know if it would actually be necessary to join a gym.

I really really really would like to get into shape. Notice I did not say “back” into shape. I have gone through stints in the past where I would run for a while or go to a yoga class but nothing that was very regular. This needs to change. I notice that when I am on one of my workout binges, I feel better, I sleep better, I look better...

A couple of weeks ago, I treated myself to a new workout outfit. Comfortable yoga pants, a nice bright, neon workout bra, a cute tank top... I was confident that this outfit was the key to motivate me into starting my new workout routine. And, just as I suspected, I’ve gotten a lot of use out of this outfit. As pajamas. I recently confessed to a friend that sometimes I just put this outfit on to run errands so that when I’m strolling through Target, it looks like I just came from a great workout. My unwashed hair really completes the look.

Clearly this is not me. This is Misty Copeland, a ballerina featured in the latest Under Armour campaign. I swiped this off pinterest for inspiration.

The truth of the matter is this: I gave birth to a vampire. She is nocturnal and sucks the literal life out me. Her nickname is “Bella” and not just because she’s beautiful. There is a theme here: I’m tired. And while there will be a point when things will start to click during our nightly routine, it took a while for me to come to a harsh reality that it wont necessarily be all at once. I will start to push and challenge myself a little more, but it’s okay that I’ve allowed myself a little more rest over the past couple of months.

I did finally wear my yoga pants to an actual yoga class and it felt great! It was a start -a very slow start- but it’s something!

6. Update My Portfolio Website

I’m an art director in the fashion industry. It’s a very visual job and I work with some very talented photographers, designers, stylists... it’s incredible the amount of artistry that I am surrounded by on a daily basis. I love what I do. And while I love the brand that I currently work for and I’m not looking to switch companies anytime soon, I do think it’s important to keep my personal portfolio updated and relevant. Even just to go through the sheer process of designing it. And this takes time. I have started playing around with a couple of ideas, but I am no where near crossing this one off the bucket list.

7. Daily Devotionals

Along with a daily workout routine, a daily moment for a devotional is something that is completely lacking in my life. Just like my physical health, my spiritual health could use some major improvement as well. Whether it be the Bible, a devotional, or one of the many parenting or marriage books that I have piling up on my bookshelf, I need to implement this time for myself.

8. G.G. & L.J.’s Rooms

After living with family for over a year and a half, a couple of weeks after G.G. was born, we found ourselves in a four bedroom house all to ourselves. A room of the house for each of us! I was stoked to finally have my ‘girly’ room for G.G. and to help L.J. decorate his room. Well, turns out that due to circumstances beyond our control, we’ll probably be moving from this house fairly soon. Painting and decorating and hanging pictures is really just a waste of time and money. So while I haven’t gotten to stretch my interior decorating muscles yet, I have started a pinterest board called “Kids Rooms”. That counts, right?

9. L.J.’s Birthday Party

My children’s birthdays are way more fun than my own! L.J. turned 3 a month after G.G. was born and this was the first year that he really -sorta- understood what was happening: that he was going from 2 to 3 and that there was going to be a party just for him. Months before his actual birthday, all he talked about his 'Superman Party'. “Easy!”, I thought, “We’ll just head to the local party store and get a bunch of Superman decorations and call it a day".

Well, turns out Superman isn’t trending this year. You’ve got Batman, Spiderman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Avengers. Not one Superman decoration or cake making kit in sight. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime and two day shipping.

In the end, L.J. had a great party and the day was a success. We don’t know a lot of people in Portland, but between our church and soccer friends, we had a great group of people come and celebrate and our super 3 year old with us!

So there it is... My Maternity Leave Bucket List. The truth of the matter is, in the beginning, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to get various tasks accomplished. I think part of being a working mom on maternity leave is the feeling that I have to take advantage of every possible moment. Make the most of every second I had and give L.J. and G.G. amazing memories of mom being at home.

(Cue the mom guilt and the on-going feelings of inadequacy)

A couple of weeks into my leave, my mom had to have a serious talk with me to help refocus my priorities. Putting that kind of stress on myself only led to problems with my family. I was getting frustrated with G.G. (yes, my newborn) because she wasn't "cooperating" (her eating, sleeping, pooping schedule was 'interfering' with my schedule) and then I was even more agitated with L.J. because he wanted so much attention from me that I couldn't give... I'm so embarrassed to even admit that. My mom reminded me that G.G. was still very little and I was expecting too much from her. My focus was on myself and what I wasn't getting done and instead it needed to be on my baby and my toddler. It was a very humbling conversation, but snapped me back into reality.

I think it's great to have goals and I am proud of the few that i was able to accomplish. But I've also learned that it's important to be realistic and fair -to myself and my family- with whatever goals that I've set.

Anyone relate? Any advice on how to set realistic goals as I now transition from 'stay at home mom' mode to 'working mom' mode?