Baby Blues

9 weeks ago, I gave birth to our gorgeous little girl, Gwyneth Grace (G.G). As I held her for the first time, I marveled how her skin was just perfect -flawless. Like porcelain. I was astounded by the amazing gift that God had given me with this little girl.

G.G. is our second baby, so I’ve been lucky enough to have this feeling twice. When Landon James (L.J.) was born 3 years ago, my love for him was so immediately fierce, that I thought my heart would literally break. I was floored by the flood of instant joy and happiness he brought into our lives. 

When I first entered motherhood with L.J., I thought that most of it would come easy to me. Not only am I the oldest of 4 but I'm also the oldest of 8 cousins. I grew up being the 'little mother'. I heard the horror stories of the the pooping while giving birth, the 2am feedings and colic and the blowouts. I wasn't too worried or phased about having a baby of my own. 

However, those first few weeks with L.J. are a blur. And mainly because I cried a lot. That's not something that I expected. The “baby blues” weren’t really a part of the horror stories I had heard while growing up. So when it happened to me, I was too embarrassed to say anything to anyone about the real struggles I was going through. 

For example, I struggled with breast feeding way more than I let on. My breasts killed me. Even when a lactation consultant called from the hospital to check in I told her everything was great. The truth was my body was cracked and bleeding and I was in a tremendous amount of pain. I hid the problem and questions that I was having because I didn't want people to know that I was failing at a main thing my newborn needed from me: nourishment. That just spiraled into feelings of defeat and lot of moments where I couldn’t pull myself together.

I crave help, but I hate asking for it. However, I didn’t want to repeat the same struggles I had with L.J. with my second baby. I decided that I would approach things differently with G.G. and I started asking questions and being honest with my fears and weaknesses before she was born. I spoke with my doctor, my husband, my coworkers... After she was born, I requested a lactation consultant to come and speak with me before we even left the hospital. I asked tons of questions (even if I was confident about the answer, I still asked). I was also honest with my midwife about the “baby blues” that I was having. I made a point to be more verbal. I asked for help. 

And you know what, when I brought GG home I still had fears and frustrations and I still cried and I still let myself down as a mom a million ways. But this time I was more mentally prepared and I had my entourage of family, friends, doctors to support me.

I actually had a great conversation with my midwife at my 3 week postpartum check-up. I was expressing my exhaustion to her and how I felt guilty about spending quite a few days sitting on the couch, watching HGTV. My energy level was nil. I felt like I could barely put one foot in front of the other. I had told her about a “Maternity Bucket List” that I written (more about that in a future post) and how I hadn’t be able to cross one thing of the damn list! After she stopped laughing at having a serious “to do” list weeks after having a baby, she told me that it’s okay to rest and relax and that my main job was to love and take care of my baby. She said the first 6 weeks are the hardest and that after that things will start to click. She told me not to push myself too hard and to just enjoy this time. Pretty obvious I guess, but I don’t think moms tend to allow themselves a break very often and need another person to tell them to do so. 

So 9 weeks in and she was right. I have gotten over that first hump and I don’t think G.G. or I have any major scars. It's still one day at a time, but the fog is lifting. 

I think the 'baby blues' affect most new moms one way or another and it's not discussed nearly as often as it should be. I need to stress that these are *moments* of sadness -they don't consume you- but they can hit really hard. Emotions are good and it's ok to cry and be tired and be frustrated. Take a deep breath and give yourself a break, pray about it but also find someone to talk to about it. 

Veteran moms, what advice do you have for new moms for managing the onslaught of emotions? 

Bloglovin' <a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12908293/?claim=szahc32r9xf">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>