Fear[less]

Earlier this week, we had to call the police at 3am because someone was creeping outside of our bedroom windows.

I am always hearing strange noises in the middle of the night and I always wake up Tom and make him go check it out. He usually appeases me and does a tour of the house before crawling back in bed declaring that I’m paranoid and not to worry so much.

So that night, when I tapped his chest and woke him up, he got up and casually peeked out the blinds covering our bedroom window assuming that it was the same routine...

... he paused just a second before saying "shit! there's a person out there!"  

Is your heart pounding too? Gross. 

Whoever it was must have seen the blind move because they bolted. We did call the police to just come and look around the property to double check and be safe. We don't think the person was trying to break into the house... it seems they were looking for something of value in the yard to take. The only thing missing was L.J.’s commemorative World Cup Soccer ball (Tom, of course, is devastated by this loss). 

It is by the grace of God that it was nothing more than a creeper. 

But can I tell you how much fear this has flamed up in me??

Even prior to this situation, here is a sample of the list of fears that continuously keep me up at night:

creepers
cars
heights
stranger danger
sharp corners
bath time
being bullied
being the bully
poop with a strange color
no poop
hills
bees
certain members of the Kardashian family
choking
pools
statistics
guns
[lack of] money
wood burning stoves
fevers
small legos

You get the point. 

These fears consume me at times to the point where I can physically feel the stress in my knees creep up to my belly like a warm sludge. Blah.

I wasn’t always this afraid. At one point in my life I was -dare I say- reckless. 

And then I gave birth to L.J. and that first week that I brought him home from the hospital my entire perspective changed. I became uncontrollably afraid. Of everything. I hate the idea that I will not always be able to protect my children from... well... life. 

I recently saw this quote on Pinterest: 

“The phrase ‘do not be afraid’ is written in the Bible 365 times.
That’s a daily reminder from God to live everyday being fearless.”

 I know. Super cheesy, right? (Damn you Pinterest and your never ending feed of inspirational quotes!) ...And who knows if it’s actually accurate. 

But it did make me think... I love the word fearless.  

2 Timothy that says “for God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control”. 

Power.  Love.  Self-control. 

Now those are characteristics I can get behind. That’s an example that I want to display.

The never ending question is, how exactly do I display these traits when I am hounded by my fears at every turn? And if I'm even more honest with myself, I want L.J. and G.G. to experience a little bit of recklessness in their lives -you know- the safe kind of recklessness. How do you create that balance for your kids? A sense of (sensible) fearlessness? What does a life displaying power, love and self-control look like? 

I'm working through all of this, especially after the latest scare, but I do know that these are the words I will be meditating on in the middle of the night when those fears creep up on me. 

What are the fears in your life? How do you face them?